It hasn’t been that long since your sister went away to college so I should have remembered the “separation pains,” but I didn’t. It wasn’t until I walked by your empty room that I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I find myself missing the strangest things. Things like your dirty ball socks randomly scattered across the bedroom floor. I miss tripping over your tennis shoes and fussing at you about weed eating. I miss the constant beep-beep of the cell phone letting you know you have a text message. Most of all, I miss your smile and your warped sense of humor.
Speaking of humor, I know you are familiar with the original Ten Commandments, but did you know there are commandments for college? Moses didn’t write these, I did. Please post it on your bulletin board and read them every morning.
Ten Commandments for College
1. Thou shall not skip class.
2. Thou shall eat breakfast every morning. Even if it’s only a Ding-Dong, your brain needs food in your stomach to help it work.
3. Thou shall not pick up hitchhikers—no exceptions. Call 911 and ask a cop to go check on them.
4. Thou shall stay far away from illegal substances.
5. Thou shall not go where you are not supposed to go—there are certain places in any city that just aren’t safe.
6. Thou shall not mess with loose women no matter how good-looking they are.
7. Thou shall not stay up all night. Whether you believe it or not, sleep is essential for your brain to work at an optimal level.
8. Thou shall respect your roommates and their possessions.
9. Thou shall eat something healthy occasionally, even if you have to cook it yourself.
10. Thou shall go to church every Sunday. We love you and so does God. Ask us for money and God for everything else. You may not always get what you ask for, but you’ll always get what you need.
Enough mushy stuff, now it’s time for bribery. Thanksgiving is almost here and I will be making all your favorite foods. Come home, bring your friends, and leave your tennis shoes and ball socks wherever you want. I promise not to complain even once.