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Outsmarting A Mouse

I
don’t like spiders but I condone them. I don’t want to get too
close to a snake but I have done battle with one that was hanging
in a tree that my children were determined to play beneath. But I
draw the line when it comes to rodents: I absolutely despise mice.

One morning a few years ago I
woke up and came downstairs sleepy-eyed to make some coffee. As I
went to pour the water in the coffee maker, a tiny brown mouse ran
across the cabinet and fell into my sink.

I grabbed the closest weapon,
which happened to be a wooden spoon, and swatted at it. The mouse
was small, the sink was slippery, and I couldn’t bat 200 on a good
day. The mouse ran up at me, I screamed and swatted at it, then he
slid back down in the sink. Realizing I needed more than a spoon I
reached beneath the sink and found a can of roach spray. So I
sprayed and swatted but all I succeeded in doing was making the
mouse look like he’d been greased.

My first semester in college
the only "C" I made was in softball. Not only could I
not bat but a turtle could outrun me.

A man that worked for my
father once had a mouse run up his pant leg. They say he looked
like Elvis Presley as he danced and twitched across the floor.

However, if a mouse ever runs
up my leg I hope someone is around to dial 911 because I’ll either
be unconscious or running so fast the Dukes of Hazzard couldn’t
catch me.

Now I have a bigger, smarter
mouse and he’s taken up residence in my kitchen cabinet. So far
I’ve baited traps with peanut butter, cheese, and french fries.
He’s eaten everything I’ve put out and escaped unscathed. My son
warns that one day I’ll open the cabinet and there will be a
100-pound mouse sitting there with a trap on his toe wanting to
know why his breakfast is late.

I know there are people in the
world who like mice, and they even have them as pets. My children
have had cats, dogs, and goldfish as pets but as long as I live
here they will never have a rodent.

Besides, we already have a
mouse in the house and the way it looks, he’s staying.

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